Monthly Archives: September 2013

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“Making love with a woman and sleeping with a woman are two separate passions, not merely different but opposite. Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation (a desire that extends to an infinite number of women) but in the desire for shared sleep (a desire limited to one woman).”
―     Milan Kundera   “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”  

The Unbearable Lightness of Being – The Official Trailer

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If you read my earlier blogs of Jeremy and Peggy Sue, you know I have yet to write about Maggie. Briefly, Maggie is in a relationship with Jeremy, who is in a relationship with both Maggie and Peggy Sue.

Maggie has begun to trust her instincts that there is someone else in Jeremy’s love life-Peggy Sue. One day, Maggie confronts Jeremy about her suspicions. Jeremy gets angry, avoids the direct questions and overall is annoyed at the confrontation of whether he is lying about being in a relationship with someone else. After many arguments, Maggie finally presents proof that is undeniable. Is this the pivotal moment in their relationship?

Will he tell the truth and admit that he indeed has been carrying on a relationship with someone else? Can he commit to one woman? Can he commit to the responsible life that he says he wants? Can he forgive himself? Can he leave Peggy Sue once and for all? Or will he chance loosing Maggie?

Moreover, will Maggie forgive him?

Generally, the story goes that Jeremy would prefer to be with Maggie. Once the truth is known, healing can begin. But he has fallen from grace and Maggie will take a very long time to forgive, if ever.

The key to the success in this relationship is forgiveness and the belief that their relationship is worth mending and building. Jeremy’s relationship to Maggie transcends the immediacy of his transitory needs that he fulfills with Peggy Sue. His desire to be with Maggie can be said to be of a spiritual nature. The corporeal is not as important as their transcendence as a union. His love for Maggie is constant. He is aware of his need for her: Maggie inspires him.

Maggie knows she is valuable to him, but is he to her? Can she forgive or will someone else come into her life? She doubts and wonders whether his transgressions will be a pattern. It is he who must work hard to keep Maggie in his life; otherwise, the risk is she will move on. The next relationship for her should be a better one since she is the more integrated of the two or should I say three.

This ends this series of love triangles.

 If you haven’t read “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” by Milan Kundera-I highly recommend it. It was also made into a movie, well worth watching. I also recommend the movie “The Red Shoes” (1948) for more clarification on triangles in relationship as discussed in the last three posts.

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The Red Shoes, The Choice: The Partner or the Obsession

Peggy Sue: “He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not”

imageMany a young girl has harmlessly picked at a daisy’s petals and wistfully uttered the words of “he loves me, he loves me not.” But what occurs when a woman’s thoughts steer her again and again to those words. Does he love me? Or does he not?

Peggy Sue in my earlier entry is a fictitious woman who waits for Jeremy to make up his mind. She at times feels his love and intense passion, and yet other times he feels vacuous. What did she do or say wrong for him to get distant?

Unfortunately, Peggy Sue is hooked on the feeling of being “in love.” There is a difference in the feeling of being “in love” and the act of having someone show respect, admiration, care and tenderness. Yes, of course, in the latter case, a woman could experience the courtship and romance, and simultaneously have the feeling of “being in love.”

By the way, men also can get hooked on the feeling of love and waiting for the other to deliver the goods. But for the sake of the characters invented, I will continue with Peggy Sue. She is generally an outgoing, cheerful type, and has many friends, but she is compelled to search for him. The one who will love her and finally complete her. As a result, she has a string of failed relationships and is unclear why.

When Jeremy is around and attentive, she glows. She feels life can be so easy and happy. He loves me! But when he withdraws. She feels the pangs of hurt, pain, and the world once beautiful begins to crumble to rubble. Peggy Sue knows there is something she does wrong. She tries to be more attentive, more flirtatious, sexier, funnier-anything! But more often than not, Jeremy retreats and is vague and cryptic about his feelings. As her world crumbles and she retreats into depression, he miraculously returns.

What is not apparent to Peggy Sue is that the more she pursues the more anxious Jeremy becomes. He becomes overwhelmed with her neediness. When she retreats, he feels less engulfed and willing to engage with her. But this high and low tide exhausts both of them. He never feels he gives enough and she is perpetually in the limbo state of “he loves me, he loves me not.”