In Search of the “One”


When single, it is often a challenge to meet that special someone who will fulfill one’s dreams, desires and, of course, there are the more practical issues to consider–similar values and goals. So where and how does one find that special someone who could be the ‘whole package’?

Many people will talk of why they should look for someone to be a partner with, usually it goes something like this, “I will be less lonely: I will have the family I always longed for.” But the how often remains more elusive.

People often have lists of where they may go to meet that special someone. Online dating seems to be very popular; going to the gym, bar, art galleries, even the supermarket may be on the list. But other questions abound: Should I be more flirtatious? Should I impress more? Should I call more, or less, or not at all? The questions are endless and lead nowhere and everywhere.

So let me introduce you to Marilyn. She is an intelligent, attractive, and charming young woman. She meets many men that could be potential good partners. She states that her suitors are interested in going beyond the casual dating situation with her. But one by one, they somehow do not meet the grade. Marilyn begins to feel frustrated and eventually saddened. “I will live a life of loneliness,” she laments.

One day Marilyn meets Lawrence. He is enthralled with her beauty and intelligence. Marilyn wonders what is wrong with him? How can he be that enthralled in such a short time. It just can’t be so? Marilyn creates a wall, a barrier, a gigantic sign that states, “there’s something wrong with you for admiring me?” But he reads the sign as, “I don’t like you, nor want you.” Lawrence feels discouraged and decides that he is going about dating all wrong. He decides not to pursue Marilyn- not because he isn’t interested in her, but because he believes that he simply is not up to snuff.

Marilyn, unbeknownst to herself, is disparaging not to her suitors but to herself. She does not see herself as others see her: attractive, intelligent and interesting. So whoever her suitor may be chances are there will be something wrong with him because there is something wrong with her.

Marilyn is unaware of the fact that the more a man desires her, the less desirable he becomes to her. And the more he retreats from her, the more enticing he becomes. She is in the impossible state of denial and frustration. She lives a life of constant short lived romances, if she manages to get that far with a suitor. The men she does manage to date more than a few times-tend to disappoint her. At times, she will try to convince herself that relationships aren’t that important. But other times, she will look in the mirror and wonder why she isn’t in a relationship yet? The key for Marilyn is to get in touch with a part of herself that is highly critical of herself.



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